Journey to a Better Me - Day Three

Today I went to OKC for a meeting.  I didn't stop at McDonald's for breakfast like I normally do.  Perhaps just a little bit of extra time planning my day out is one way to help me be successful.  I made me a ham and cheese english muffin for breakfast and brought a pepsi max from home.  My next test will be lunch time.  I brought a book to read so I don't plan on going anywhere with anyone.  Perhaps I can find something close by and read by book and get some soup or a sandwhich.  I'm making tater tot casserole tonight for dinner.  I enjoy cooking and DaRell's off tonight so I always try to cook on his days off.  Tomorrow I'm making cabbage with polish sausage.  Right now, I'm trying to really watch what I have for dinner because that's when I have the most trouble is when I'm home.  Nights and weekends are when I eat the most.  Just mindless eating because food is there.  I'm not eating because I'm hungry.  I've again started writing down what I eat.  Right now I'm just focusing on my eating habits and later on I'll work on moving more.  I don't want to overwhelm myself. 

Training is over and I decided to get stop at Taco Mayo and get one bean burrito.  Normally by this time (it's 2:30pm) I would have also had two snacks.  I brought my granola bar and pretzels for snacks but didn't eat them since we didn't take a break at the meeting.  So I'm thinking not having those snacks will help offset the calories in the yummy bean burrito.  I know it's important to pay attention to how I'm feeling and what I'm craving.  I'm hoping if I feel like overating that I can write in my journal and pinpoint why I'm wanting to put food in my mouth.  That way I can address what's causing me to potentially fail or if I'm truly hungry I can make a healthy food choice.  I really feel that I can be successful at losing weight noweven though I've never been successful before.  It really has to do with changing the way you look at things.  It really is all in your head.  One thing for me is that I need to stay off the scale.  The scale always ends up frustrating me.  I can be doing everything right and the scale shows barely a loss or I will have splurged and the scale shows more of a loss.  I know there's other factors going in to the number on the scale but that doesn't stop me from getting discouraged.   

Journey to a Better Me - Day Two

I've been writing in a journal and along with writing daily I'm also cutting pictures of Rihanna out of magazines to put in the journal.  I'm sure that sounds funny but I think Rihanna is beautiful and I'm hoping that seeing the pictures of her will help keep me motivated.  I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror.  I have to make a change.  I've been overweight all my life and I've come to realize that if I don't change some habits now then I'll continue gaining weight and that cannot happen.  I love my life and I'd love to be able to do even more if I lost weight.  I want to ride on roller coasters without having to worry about if I'll fit or if the locking mechanism will fit around me.  I want to sit on an airplane without needing a seat belt extender.  I want to wear a bathing suit and not feel so self-conscious about the way I look in it.  I'm trying to focus on things other than food.  This is only day two and I'm hoping I can continue to stay focused.  Every time I try to eat better I can always remain focused for a few weeks and then my focus disappears and I'm back to eating whatever whenever.  Hopefully, when I get the urge to overeat I'll use the journal to write about what I'm feeling or craving instead of stuffing my face.  It's interesting how just making the decision to lose weight makes me feel better.  I feel like I'm such a successful person in so many areas of my life and I want to finally be a success in the area of my weight.

Journey to a Better Me - Day One

I'm going to be turning forty this year and I'm really unhappy about my weight and the way I look.  I've just been eating too much and I can't seem to stop it.  The last time when I was watching what I eat when I stopped I started overeating instead of trying to eat more normally.  So, I shouldn't be surprised that I'm gaining weight.  My biggest clothes are getting snug on me.  My knees hurt when I get up from a sitting position.  And don't get me started on my stomach.  I'm tired of the way I look and I'm ready to make a change.  My husband loves me unconditionally and never makes me feel like I need to change the way I look.  I usually don't have trouble losing weight but I have trouble sticking with it.  I'll lose fifteen or so pounds then quit watching waht I eat and this last time I gained back what I had lost plus more.  This is the first time since I've been married that I've really felt down about my weight.  So, I've started writing in a journal and writing down what I'm eating and hopefully something will be different for me this time.  Hopefully, something will click in my brain and I will stay focused instead of so easily getting off track like I've always done before. 

Thanksgiving

This year, Thanksgiving was at my mother-in-laws house.  We alternate each year between my mom's house and my husband's mom's house.  This Thanksgiving was nice and relaxing for me because I only had to bring the green bean casserole which is quick and easy to make.  I'm blessed to have a great mother-in-law who raised an awesome son.  Each Thanksgiving I'm reminded that I run through life too fast.  I don't take time out to appreciate all that I have.  Thanksgiving is one day that I try to slow down and look around at all I have to be thankful for.  I have a supportive husband who loves me, I have a son who is healthy and smart and growing quicker than I'd like.  I have a job that I enjoy and I live in a house that is paid for.  I have food in the kitchen and clothes in my closet.  I have been able to go to Las Vegas each year for the past 5 years.  I'm 38 and not on any medication...isn't that something to be thankful for!  Of course, there are many more things I'm thankful for.  Great friends who keep me smiling and are always there to lend me a hand or an ear.  Life has its ups and downs but it's good to remember that there's always something to be thankful for.  I'm also thankful for my warm, comfy bed that I'm heading to right now...good night.     

Fathers

Family is important.  I'm grateful that I grew up in a 2-parent household and that I knew who my father was.  Nowadays it seems like more and more relationships are ending in divorce or kids are being raised my mom's who don't know who the dad's are or the dad's show no real interest in being fathers.  Whatever the situation it is important to be thankful for what you have and who you have in your life.  My father died within 2 weeks of my son's 8th birthday.  I know this was a major life event for my son because he and my dad had a close relationship and my dad depended on Jalen as much as Jalen depended on him.  My father's health had been failing for a couple of years and our family had this joke that when Jalen was at home with my dad he was actually taking care of him rather than my dad babysitting for me.  At that point in my life my dad was the male role model in Jalen's life because Jalen's father wasn't around like he should have been.  My dad taught Jalen how to play chess, how to scramble eggs, how to scare his mimi, how to move furniture, etc.  I met and married my husband in 2007 and it would have been great if my dad could have met the wonderful man who I'm spending the rest of my life with and who is helping me raise Jalen.  I know my dad would have definitely approved of DaRell being part of the family.

My dad's birthday is on October 30th and if he were alive he would be turning 65, I believe.  It's hard to believe he's been gone for over 5 years now.  My dad's wish for his children was that they graduated from college and 2 of his 3 kids have done that.  When he died I was attending OSU and I had so hoped he would live to see me graduate but that didn't happen.  I was grateful that he was able to see me receive a plaque and certificate for being on the Dean's Honor Roll when I attended Langston University.  Anyway, he died in February of 2005 and I didn't graduate until the summer of 2006. 

Life does go on and the neat thing is that after my dad died we found out that my sister was pregnant.  She gave birth to her beautiful son who I could give tons of kisses to until he gets sick of me but I can't help it because Tre is the best nephew in the whole wide world and next to my son he is the best.  Anyway, my sister gave birth to her son on my dad's birthday.  So even though we lost my dad and miss him everyday we now have a beautiful boy to love and share life with.

Am I too lazy to lose weight?

I just turned 38 this past week and here I am...overweight.  I've been overweight my whole life.  In my baby book it says that at age 3 I weighed 40 lbs and next to that it says "O.W."  I have no memories of ever being able to buy an outfit that wasn't in the "plus size" area.  My son is now 13 and yet I weigh 33 lbs more than when I gave birth to him.  I was on Facebook and saw this quote:  "People only change when the pain of the same is greater than the pain of change."  Losing weight isn't some big mystery to solve.  It's quite simple:  eat less, move more.  But even though I know what I need to do to lose weight, I don't do it.  I like to eat.  I don't like to exercise.  My husband went out and bought me a Wii because I told him I wanted to use the Biggest Loser on the Wii to get me exercising.  I used it for a couple of days and that was atleast 4 months ago.  It's easier to keep doing what I'm doing than to make a conscious effort to live healthier.  I love my family and I enjoy my job so other than my weight, I'm happy.  When I put my mind to eating healthier I am successful.  But the success is always short-lived.  I'll do good for a couple of weeks and then I lose my focus.  I'll make a bad food choice and instead of moving on at the next meal I give up until I'm ready to get focused again which is months and months down the road.  Now is the time that I'm ready to get focused again.  I'm hoping that if I write about my struggles and successes than perhaps it will help me stay motivated.  I mean, what do I have to lose?

How I met my husband.

First, let me give you a little bit of background.  In 2006, I was in my eighth year working at a doctor's office.  I had been the receptionist but once I returned to college I began doing the medical records in order to work the hours that accomodated my school schedule.  I enjoyed my job but knew that I needed a better paying job since I was a single mother...that's why I decided to return to school.  I graduated with a Bachelor's in Sociology, in July of 2006 and a month or so later applied to work for the State.  I ended up getting a job in October 2006, as a child welfare specialist in a town just an hour away.  For the first couple of months I commuted the hour to work and back so my son didn't have to change schools in the middle of the semester.  My son and I moved in mid-December and the day I met my future husband was January 2nd, 2007.  My mother and my niece, Alice, had come for a visit to see my new apartment.  My mom suggested we go to Incredible Pizza to eat, in Tulsa, and that's where we went.  As soon as I walk past the cash register I see this good-looking guy walking towards me so I smile and go fill up my plate with food.  Later, I'm in the gameroom and I notice him walking towards me again.  He walks past me and stops, turns around, and asks me if I was seeing anyone.  I said no and so he introduces himself.  I knew that Incredible Pizza was a place for kids so I asked him who he was there with.  He paused and said he was there with his ex-wife and kids.  We continue our exchange with him asking me where I worked and how old I was, etc.  He gave me his phone number and I called him later that evening.  There was a party that weekend that my coworkers and I were invited to so I thought that would be a perfect opportunity for me to invite DaRell.  Nine months later, in October 2007 he proposed to me during breakfast at The Golden Nugget, in Las Vegas.  We got married two days later, on October 11th, at a wedding chapel.  This past week we celebrated our three year anniversary and I can't imagine myself any happier.  I know that good things  happen when you least expect it because us meeting that day at Incredible Pizza was so out of the blue.